restless

It suddenly hit me today. That my routine now could possibly be the same for the rest of my life. I am feeling a bit upset about it. Especially after looking at some of my pictures in Bath. Where did all that time go? I miss it lots. I know for certain that the job that I'm in is not something that I will want to do for very long. And I can feel my brains which were so challenged during the MBA, are starting to slow down.

Suddenly I miss corporate life. I miss the UK. I miss my freedom and space. I miss learning something new, trying something new every other week. Is it possible that that feeling cannot always exist? It can't be.

I just want to have a sense that my future will be good. It doesn't feel like it will be at this point. Yes, it feels good now, things are great - job, family, car. Is that all there is in life? It feels like you're drowning and just trying to gasp for a breath of fresh air. And that air is just refreshing and oh-so-important to remind you of what it means to be alive. I feel myself dying inside again. Bored with the life in Singapore. Sure I can go through the motions of living here and working here. But just something is missing.

when shit hits the ceiling

To be honest I think either 1. I am not cut out for my current job or 2. I am over-loaded. This job isn't something completely new. I have done it before yet so many stupid mistakes.

Had hell from client today for an oversight. And more oversights. Worked till 12am today. And to top it all off, I lost my car key.

That sinking feeling at work just came back today. I haven't felt that in over 2 years. And just today it came back - like I'm not good enough.

Obviously there is not much of a silver lining to these 16 hour workdays. I haven't even lost a single ounce of lard. Oh well, it pays the bills - memorise and repeat like 100000000x.

3 things that I am truly grateful for.

K, least I sound like one of those ungrateful bitches who are always whining about the not-enoughs in life. Here's my list of things which I am grateful for, at least for today :)

• Singlehood

You really need to meet with assholes to truly realise that the best person who loves you is yourself. Treat yourself good, lots of praises, lots of rewards, and always a pat on the back. :) Which was what I did today - lots of shopping, and happy good food.

• Rascals, family & friends

Not necessarily in that order, but to be surrounded by people you love, and who unconditionally love you back :) That's the best gift, really.

• A job, a car and many material things that money can buy.

Just a month ago, I was all panicky and upset. Self esteem at its lowest ever. And can you blame me? And it was just really thinking - would I be able to make it? Everyone else was moving up on whatever ladder they were on. Now, not that I am up on any ladder, but at least I have a job and that allows me to buy things and pays the bills.

Of cos there are other things that I am grateful for. Like my year away and meeting such great people. I just hope I don't ever forget.

baptism by hell's fire

It's season of new beginnings. I just started my new job 4 weeks ago. Geez, has it been that fast? Been working shit long hours so much so that when my new macbook (which rocks!) came, I left it sitting on the coffee table, untouched, unopened for a good 4 days. Work's good so far, no complaints. Except that life has become just work and nothing else. I have no time for anything. Not even bringing out my Harry for a spin. That's the new love of my life - my new car :)

Work has been really hectic, quite fulfilling and I am learning some stuff, so it ain't all that bad yet. Except the crazy hours. Well everything in perspective, at least it pays the bills. Just haven't been very inspired to write in Singapore. I just feel like the MBA year came and went too fast. I do miss it though. I was just looking at some stock images of the UK and I suddenly missed it loads. Steven, now that names are not anonymously hidden to protect the idiots turned out to be a bigger asshole that I originally thought.

But it's good where I am in life now. Non of that emotional baggage. Got a new car, a new job, a new mac and best of all 10mbps broadband. A new addiction to watching videos online :)