i've had it

with this stupid job that keeps me working all the time. Last 4-5 weeks I've been working from 9.30 - 10 or 11 pm. And I have to work at least 1 day of the weekend, if it's good weekend.

I feel guilty on weekends that I am not working. And I wake up in the middle of the nite panicking over the fact that I've not written my edm or proposal. I hardly have time to do anything for myself. Usually after I've thought of something I want to try - baking, shopping, picking up a book to read - it has to be done like 2-3 weeks down the road, and only if I manage to squeeze in time to do it.

This weekend, I have to do a proposal due for a client presentation at 3pm tomorrow. But, I had just finished major presentation last Wednesday (with much of that presentation done on previous weekend), Thursday was to catchup with bits of other projects that had been left hanging in the air, and so was Friday, when some clients, once again expected me to turn around in 2 hours. So when Friday evening came, my eyes were tearing from staring at the computer for so long. I decided to take a break shopping and having dinner with my cousin.

Sat came. I have my cake decor class, and after that shopped for xmas presents, and then off to my friend's place for xmas tea. I dropped off a cake with my sister, and decided to stay on for a while to see the little rascals, since I've been away for the past week and haven't seen them. Got home I literally collapsed on my bed cos I was so tired.

Sunday - brought the little girl out to buy Christmas presents, and then to my sis's place to see the boy for a while. Then home at 5pm, took out my laptop and started working till 12. Haven't been productive cos I just feel so pissed off half the time that I have to work. It is really time. I just need to go. I can't bear the thought of even another 2 months on this job.

Sigh.

Anyway hear this song on the British charts. Am sure this is not the real MTV, but the song's funny and catchy.

just a little different

Today is the last time that the rascals will come over after school, hang out at mama's house before going home at 7. Sure, most days I'm not here to witness them having fun (or feeling completely bored out of their minds) but like my mom said, they've always come cover, since they were 3 months old.

So that's probably the end of the rascals sleeping on my bed, or playing on my computer.

Or my mom fettering over what to cook for rascals' dinners. And cute little drawings on the white bored. My buying stuff for them to munch on.

It's gonna be a little different around here now.

choices

In life, we're often not allowed to always take the path we want.

Our obligations to our parents don't allow us to sometimes lead the kind of life we want.

Our lack of money limits our choices on the things we can buy. Experiences we can enjoy

Life's tough. We can't always have want we want. And I can accept that.

But I think when it comes to things like choosing death to end your suffering when you are suffering from a painful terminal illness I think it is one choice that no one should deny another. No one will ever be able to understand the pain - both emotional and physical - that the sick person feels. If I am hurting, unbearable pain, with no hope of ever getting better, shouldn't I have the right to end my life?

Sky TV showed a programme in the UK about a man ending his life. Never mind the argument about using this to boost TV ratings, just listen to what the man has to say.

Before his death, Mr Craig Ewert said: "I'd like to continue. The thing is that I really can't.

"I can't take that risk, that's choosing to be tortured rather than end this journey and start the next one.

"If I go through with it, I die, as I must at some point.

"If I don't go through with it, my choice is to suffer, for my family to suffer and then die.

"The fact that I know the date I'm going to die simply makes definite what was previously indefinite."

He added: "When you are completely paralysed, can't talk, can't walk, can't move your eyes, how do you let someone know that you are suffering?"

11.53pm

Waiting for a file to be sent back to me from my colleague before I hit the sack. I'm sure it'll require me to do another 1-2 more hours of work before I can actually sleep.

Dead tired. Worked on Sunday, and yesterday, which was a public holiday. And of cos my whole weekend was ruined cos at the back of my head, I thought, dang, got to do work.

So when does this torture end? Don't know man. I so want 19 Dec to come. I go on leave then, for over 1 week - isn't that great? Will be in Bintan, 4 glorious days of beach. Quite nights and mornings. It'll be fantastic.

Just on a random off topic, here's a video clip of B1 swimming.

a sense of achievement

My very first decorated cake. Hahahha, either my standards have fallen so low, or that I have been looking for success in the wrong places. But anyway, this rainbow/clown fully iced cake was done by me. From scratch. From baking the cake at 2am last nite, to waking at 8 this morning to prepare icing and ice the cake.

It's fun decorating cakes. But the problem is, no one in my family likes sweet icing. So with one cake coming their way every week, I'm not sure if they'll OD on cakes before I am done with the course!

completely creepy

I was just rummaging through some stuff in my little ole' cupboard of trash, and came across a fortune teller's reading. This was from the first fortune telling session that I've ever been to. And this was in 2004.

This was the guy who predicted that I would have a long distance relationship. Which, at that point in time when I heard the reading I was going "yeah, right, that's gonna happen. poooey!"

And just now I re-read the piece of paper, which had one prediction on it - Study in 2006, reap benefits at age 36.

That is so completely creepy. I mean, he read my fortune in 2004, at a time when I had a dream to do my MBA, but never thought it would be possible. And in 2006, as a result of various circumstances, I did.

So on accounts that he got TWO things right, does this mean I should believe him?