when it rains, it pours

It's been raining all of last night and whole of today.

I love days like that. And none of that proxy drizzle, drizzle light rain you get in UK. It just POURS! To the point where sometimes it is just useless carrying even a brolly. The sky gets gloomy the dark clouds so low. Temperature drops down a couple of degrees. And you are in bed, snuggled between sheets, just swishing your legs against the bedlinens that have been washed over a million times. Oooooo and kitty blankie in arms. *BIG SNIFF*

My friend who had to move over to Hong Kong to work for 2 years brought her stinky Por Por over.

"You mean you're not going not going to bring kitty blankie over to UK?" friend said in disbelief

"I don't know if she can survive the journey there!"I replied.

"When I came to HK, there was no doubt about it, Por Por was coming over."

I guess I will bring kitty blankie over. It is kinda like dog training (me being the dog, of course). You know what they say about acclimatising your puppy, when you first bring him home?*

I once had to to hide kitty blankie cause my then boyfriend came to my then rented apartment and he found it somewhat cute. But NEVER again. I'll never hide my kitty for some stupid man. For men may come and men may go, but kitty blankie (in my surreal world) lives forever.

*For those less in touch with pooches, what owners are supposed to do is to bring a blankie to the birth place, put it there a few days, so that the blankie absorbs the smell of the mommy dog. Then when you move the pup over home for the first time, leave him with the blankie so that he'll find something familiar.

minus one

I received a call from some PR company today, who told me that I was one of the 90 selected by "sponsors" to win $4,500 shopping vouchers.

So the conversation went something like this...

N: Congratulations, you have been selected by our sponsors to win cash, electronic ... droning droning... However Ms. L, if you are selected for this and you ultimately win the grand draw, you and your partner will need to be involved in the media and PR for this.
KBO: (Some what skeptical and suspicious about the whole call) Okay, tell me more about it.

(after 5 minutes, and after verifying my details, from goodness knows where they got my details, I had to confess as N was going on and on about me and my imaginary "partner".)

KBO: But I'm single.
N: Then just now I said you and your partner, you said yes, yes, yes.
(Yah, so I lied, sue me. Not like this scam is any real anyway)
N: Ok well this lucky draw is not applicable to you then. Bye.

Click.

Hey wait a second, I thought I was being discriminated against by my favourite people in white. Is this even ALLOWED? So even if my income, (combined or otherwise) exceeds $5,000, which was their criteria for participating, am I STILL disqualified?

Felt quite miffed by the twit. And to think the day started off great with a rainy morning and had the kids in fantastic mood.

super heart break

Got accepted by Bath Uni, and will be on my way there for one whole year!

It's (shamefully) true. That after 30 something years, this will be my second time out on my own. And the awful truth -- I'm scared as hell.

Everyone tells me that this is going to be the greatest experience of my life. And it should be. So why am I not looking forward to it?

top worries of KBO

1. That people will absolutely HATE me, and hence
   
2. Can't get along with anyone.
3. Be the dumbest person in the MBA class.
4. Life, after borrowing huge amounts of money and forever my ass will be bleeding from the debt, post-MBA will be the same arse crap.
   

Initially was filled with trepidation, that I would sooooooo miss my darlings. Well I still am. I can imagine, in my lonely nights on my single bed, shivering away in cold English winter sounds of Where are you yee yee? will be there to haunt me. But they will never be with me forever. I mean, firstly, they are not my kids. Secondly, fact is that my sister WILL move away.

It's hard not to be pessimistic about things. But from the way things have been going for me, it is hard to positive about things.

My nephew knows that I am going away to study for a year. And just yesterday, while I was preparing to go out for lunch, he came home, and saw me getting ready to go out.

J: Where are you going?
KBO: Out, having lunch with Auntie Yvonne.
J: Why are you having lunch with Auntie Yvonne?
KBO: Cos Yee Yee is going away to study in England for a long time. So she wants to meet me before I go.
J thought that I was leaving for England that very moment. Eyes were all teary
J: But I wouldn't like that. I wouldn't like that I come home and you won't be home. Will you come home, like mommy when she goes out, and I go to bed and wake up and you are home?
Me getting all teary as well.
KBO: No, this is not like that. One year is a long time. But we can talk on the computer.

Super heart melt. Super heart break.

Just a passing ship

In about 3 weeks, I'll be packed and on my way to UK. Not to see Mr S. Things are over between us, which is sudden, but not unexpected.

I think there has to be some element of truth to the fortune-teller's predications. That there are like a million lonely stars in my path and even then will kena tua by a million more morons before woohoo! true love PREVAILS.

I guess after Mr S, it does affect me a little. But for some reason, I'm not quite upset about things, just mentally accepting things that happen. I mean I've seen things with people who were married and broken up, and think, what I've gone through is just a fraction of the pain they've gone through.

Anyway heard this song from "Prime" and fell in love with it immediately. It's called I wish you love

English lyrics by Albert A. Beach
French lyrics and music by Charles L. Trenet

Goodbye, no use leading with our chins
This is where our story ends
Never lovers, ever friends
Goodbye, let our hearts call it a day
But before you walk away
I sincerely want to say
I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this
I wish you love

And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
But more than wealth
I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
I wish you love
I wish you love, love, love, love, love
I wish you love

What I've realised is that, this is scary but true...if the "right" person comes along and asks me to marry him, have his kids, I'll probably say yes. It's probably all genetically programmed in us to want that. Particularly gals. I mean in my head I'm still quite sure I'll never want children. Since I can't even make enough to send myself to business school, what more a child? What if she wants to go to business school? I won't have the kind of money to send her there. It wouldn't be fair to her. Or worst I gotta tell my kids they can't have what they want cause mommy can't afford it?!

Afterall, like I once selfishly told my mom, children didn't ask to be born. If you want children, you have to make sure you give them all they want.

Digressing, digressing.

Back to my point. Yes, I'll probably want children, marriage (order doesn't matter), but with the right man. One who I know will love me for a long long time. We shouldn't sell ourselves short just because some other person:

1. Can't accept us for what we are
2. Can't control his sexual urges
3. Can't treat me right.
4. Can't compromise.

All I ask for is a man who will love me, care for me and be fair and honest to me. I wonder how many men can live up to that?

Just like what my friend Kylie told me, let it be. Let this whole incident be a passing ship and move on.