... this mundane and dull period of my life where everything is now dependent on if I get a job, or not. Okok, "or not" and "if" are not options, and it will happen. It's just WHEN?!
That's the big gazillion dollar question - WHEN WILL I GET A JOB? I am really sick of this waiting for a ripe moment. First when I came home in September, I was kinda down and while sending out at least 50 or so resumes in the few 6-8 weeks that I was job hunting, nothing came through. Well 2 opportunities did, but they weren't exactly what I was hoping for. Now I have something in the pipeline, actually, the ONLY thing in the pipeline and think I am: 1. counting me chicks before they hatch and 2. laying all my lays in one basket. (hmm the chicken and egg analogies are all pure coincidences) Second thing is, waiting for this freaking year end period of Yuletide cheer and Feliz Año Nuevo to end. This is the dreaded period for the unemployed cos everyone is holding back from quitting the jobs that they drag their feet to, and everyone is just in a holiday mood to even think about recruitment.
Going back to the UK for graduation was a good move, mostly good I think. I had a proper chance to say goodbye. I had to mentally say goodbye to the place that I though I might possibly spend another 2-3 years there. I really like the lifestyle. I like that people are well-mannered. Weather is always chilly. Supermarkets are fantastic. And a sense of freedom - liberation that I am on my own, and I can do things at my own time.
My arrival at Heathrow and going into Cafe Nero for a quick cuppa made me feel like I never left the UK. And now that I am back, I feel like I never left Singapore.
I said bye to S, in person. He even admitted that he was an ass to me (those weren't his exact words but now that he is an ex-, who cares?) It was an amicable, albeit sad, farewell. Yes we've had many good times together, but at the end of the day, we are really two very different people, who want very different things in our lives right now. But what he made me realise was that I do want someone. Before him I has quite happy on my own, minding my own business, happy to just hang out with family and friends. Now I realise that I do perhaps want someone i can really share my life with, and who wants me to share his life with him.
Though, a more pressing and "keeps me awake at night" thought is that after 1.5 years, I really need to work. Going back, and seeing that many of my friends were either employed or got jobs really scared the shit out of me.
Where's the big "FAST FORWARD" button on me life that gets to the good part? I know that panicking doesn't really help with anything. It only exacerbates the big "Where's the big fast forward button"deep, sinking feeling. The days are just crawling. I just want to be gainfully employed! - Geez, never thought I'll say that!
*Follow-up on Spain and UK graduation in posts to come. I just need to rant a bit about my perfect life.
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