It's been a really depressing few months. Everytime when u listen in to radio, watch the news, read the news,... it's been nothing but bad things to come. Key words: recession, bailouts, financial crisis, worst since the great depression, dow down...
If it isn't about the financial crisis these days, it's about the US election. Which to be honest, seems like a no brainer to me who should win.
Just a random snapshot of the news today:
It's kinda sad, but the only kind of breaking news are the bad ones. I'm sure that it just aggravates the situation, making people worry and that just makes everything worse.
Don't people want to read happy things anymore? Makes me all a bit worried about the future. With the tsunami of a recession that is about to hit our little bubble island, employment, money, it's all a bit too worrying.
I just got in my mailbox today my Amazon order - 30 day shred by Jillian Michaels. She is incredibly no nonsense... and her workout looks seriously tough. Can't wait to get started. She is practical about exercise, like in the video, she goes "you want abs like these, they don't come for free".
Am Freitag bin ich ins Kino gehen. Das Film? Mama Mia. Ich habe soooooo viel gute Erinnerungen ueber die Lieder. Ahhhhhhhhh Und Super Trouper? Das war die liebeste Lied von meinem Cousin, als er 4 oder 5 Jahre alt war. Denn habe ich mit meine Grossvater und Grossmutter gelebt. Es gab ein ganz Garten. Und als wir Kindern waren, in der Nacht, haben wir die Licht ausgemacht, und Super Troupe so laut spielen. Das Wohnzimmer war ein Disko. Wir haben Fackeln mitgenommen, und haben im Wohnzimmer getanzt und gesingt.
Naturlich, nach dem Film habe ich am Youtube ABBA's Lieder gesucht. Und heir gibt es ein Lied, das im Saarbruecken ausgefuhuert wird!
Sometimes I think people in a relationship are in such a bliss. Having someone who cares for you and someone you can care for, build a life with, share your sorrows, joy and excitement. Although my relationships haven't been the greatest, but when its good, it etches so deeply in your memory that in moments when you are single, it comes gushing back to the surface, hitting you so hard that you wish you had someone.
Of cos this is just me in my momentary "I need a relationship" state, which will shortly be repaired once I have enough sleep, and other reasons and things to keep me suitably occupied. And of cos, it doesn't help that I am listening to soppy songs that tell of heartbreaks that sort of hits home.
Maybe all experience, like most ideas, that we go through aren't original. Otherwise, how can we empathise, and recognise all signs of heartache or happiness when we hear others narrate their stories? As much as we think we are individuals on this tiny planet, maybe we're not. Perhaps we're not as different to the ants and bees we see.
Reason Why Artist: Rachael Yamagata
I think about how it might have been We'd spend out days travelin' It's not that I don't understand you It's not that I don't want to be with you But you only wanted me The way you wanted me
So, I will head out alone, hope for the best And we hang our heads down As we skip the goodbyes And you can tell the world what you want them to hear I've got nothing left to lose, my dear So, I'm up for the little white lies But you and I know the reason why I'm gone, and you're still there I'm gone, and you're still there I'm gone, and you're still there
I'll buy a magazine searching for your face From coast to coast, or where ever I find my place I'll track you on the radio, and I'll sign your list in a different name But as close as I get to you It's not the same
So, I will head out alone, hope for the best We can pat ourselves on the back As say that we tried And if one of us makes it big We can spill our regrets And talk about how the love never dies But you and I know the reason why I'm gone, you're still there I'm gone, you're still there I'm gone, and you're still there
So, steal the show, and do your best To cover the tracks that I have left I wish you well and hope you find Whatever you're looking for The way I might've changed my mind, But you only showed me the door
So, I will head out alone, hope for the best We can pat ourselves on the back And say that we tried And if one of us makes it big We can spill our regrets And talk about how the love never dies But you and I, you and I, you and I know the reason why.
The other version of I wish You Love found on Prime
Ahh nothing like listening to this song while walking on your own all bundled up in jackets and with gloves, while the cold wind blows against your cheeks.
Amidst the doldrums of the global financial crisis and catastrophic political situations in Thailand and Malaysia, and babies in China dying of contaminated milk, somewhere on a sunny little island just 1 deg north of the equator, 4 million something residents suddenly realise that their wages are eroded from inflation! OH you don't say!
What fucking crapshit does our local news report? And it's sooooooooooo groundbreaking and absolutely true cos it comes from MOM. WTF? The state of our nation is going down the drain.
I actually found it really hilarious that that should even appear on the FRONT page news. Do these people think we're idiots? Previously, $5 can get me a pack of chicken rice, a drink and still have some change left. Now $5 gets me a pack of chicken rice, no drink, and if you eat at some "better" foodcourt, you might even have to pay more to get a meal. Any man on the street could have verified that. We didn't need some cockshit statement from MOM to tell us that. We're suffering the repercussions of a 4-going-onto-5-going-onto-7% inflation rate.
And I am seriously contemplating if I should. Although I have no other options of a job at the moment. But I'm unhappy, tired and feeling like an idiot at work all the time.
The money is a relief. Of cos. But the endless days of work, with no respite in sight. Last week was a 63 hour work week for me.
This week, and it's only wee hours of Tuesday morning and I've worked 20 hrs. Where normal people would have worked only 8 hours. Cos Monday has just ended.
And I still can't finish my work. Very often, under pressure to produce a piece of work, and with so many conflicting deadlines, I produce really crap quality work. And I feel embarrassed to hand in that piece of work. But what choice do I have? I haven't time to improve it, or spend another few more hours thinking about it.
Which brings me to another point. I'm just doing copy all the time. I want to do strategy, planning, regional work...but this week I am doing copy - telemarketing script and powerpoint slides.
Is this how my MBA should be used?
Did I spend a good $100,000 to learn things, only to let my brains rot.
If I get a temp job, at least I know I am letting my brain rot for temp pay and hours and workscope.
I think it is quite clear what I shld do, just a matter of if I have the courage to do it.
Oh the wonders of FB. People whom you haven't seen in YEARS suddenly add you as a friend. Of cos I wasn't known by my current name now, which probably makes people who want to add me in really tough. *as if a lot of people want to add me to their friend's list*hahahha
But looking through some of my gf's profile, they are married. with kids.
I know, I know. Being single is my choice (hmmm not really) sometimes I wonder if I had taken the alternative route, where would I be now?
Was wishing 2 seconds there for a different life. :P hahah 1,2, two seconds UP! hahah glad i'm still here!
I really should be sleeping. But I just don't which is bad, cos tomorrow at 7am, I'll hit the snooze button on me alarm clock and sleep for another 1 hour.
This month seems to be really slow. Largely cos I am waiting for a response. But there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. Everyday is just an unexciting day that has become a routine. Feels like a hair cutting moment again. I am sick of feeling hair in clumps. Shall go see hair dresser soon.
I really shld get some rest. Look at it this way, tomorrow is a day where I can make it better. :)
Since coming back from the UK, my ears have been subjected endless pounding, drilling, general building noise. I remember the 2 weeks while I was in the UK for my graduation, I was so happy to just listen to absolutely nothing. It was so peaceful.
It's taken the bloody builders close to a year now to do the lift upgrade. In the time that I was away in the UK, new buildings have sprouted from the ground in Singapore. So pardon me if I cannot understand why it takes them more than 12 mths to build a couple of lift shafts and throw in a few lifts within. There's no notice of schedule given to residents who are affected by the horrendous drilling. Nor do they give ample time and warning to us that they will be closing sections of the carparks, and bringing in 2 tonne monster trucks to lift pre-fab lift shafts* for construction. There were periods in the the past year where for weeks there was no progress made on the lift upgrade. In fact nothing was being worked on. Of course now that the supposed deadline draws near, they are working from 8am to 6pm, everyday from Monday to Saturday.
Yup, even on Saturday.
And today is just the straw that broke the camel's back...for me. There was roofing work done on a Sunday. At 830am. That really pissed me off so much that I wrote in to HDB. It's not the first time they've done something as fucking stupid as that. It's more than just fucking stupid. It's just how fucking fucked up the HDB morons are. Void deck cleaning and roofing works on a Sunday. Fucking assholes.
Just thinking about it fucking pisses me off big time.
*It's all fucking pre-fab-ed, so why isn't taking less time to build?!
How can it be that just after 4 months into my new job, I am bored. It's honest to goodness boredom. Doing copy, creating promotional brochure, and get this, putting together presentation decks for corporates.
OMG. I am so fucking bored out of my brain at work. What's the strategy? Change management? NPVs? Ratios? Cost allocation? Marketing strategies? I mean the people at work are great. But I honestly cannot take the work scope. It's like work of some really junior person. And even then it's not with the autonomy that I once had.
I don't know if I should attribute it to my arse luck - that I always get these fucking boring and career-going-nowhere jobs or it's just me - that I have really short attention span that grows shorter by the year.
Can't imagine that a year ago I was so happy doing my MBA and learning something and now I am just doing copy. ALL...THE...TIME...!!!! OH GOD!
From Top left to right: Asics running shoes, grey patent Charles & Keith, Bottom left to right: Midnight Blue Ted Baker's, Satin white with ribbons and crystal diamente Nine West
Here they are. Some people collect stamps, Oprah apparently collects real estate, some people collect different sort of businesses. My needs are simple. I just collect shoes.
There was an old woman, Who lived in a shoe; She had so many children, She didn't know what to do. She gave them some broth, Without any bread; She whipped them all soundly, And sent them to bed.
Sounds familiar? Except the many children are just 2. R1 and R2. And I would never starve or whip them. :P
Oh, and I should update my list of sponsorship - I would like a pair of Manolos and Jimmy Choos please.
Okay, I didn't finish the last post and I can't be bothered due to a computer glitch.
Anyway, was talking to a couple of friends today. Subject went to marriage, unhappy couples, and expectations. How couples in a relationship always expect the other to change, and men don't change. Or if they do, they change for the lazier, assholic, in general, for worse.
It occurred to me, that at my age if I were to find someone, (hahaha, that'll be the day) if he is = old he would be (a)divorced, (b)separated, (c)bit of a freak (like the last one) or all of the above. And what are the odds of me ever being happy with one of the above? They would be some stubborn old fart with habits that are so hard to change that their previous wives have decided "sod this, I am moving on".
And we all know, I am just too good for leftovers.
hmmm. Guess I just have to manage my expectations about men right now. And I think zero is a good number to stick with. I don't think I can ever be disappointed with zero expectations of men.
Yet another epiphany from being 25 and single. lalala
Okay, for those who are even mildly religious, this post contains paganistic blood sucking rituals.
Past few years I've sort of become like...MY MOM! Going to temple to pray for a better future, consulting fortune tellers about my career and love life. At the end of the day, they all say more or less the same thing: your life ain't that bad, but it ain't gonna be that good either. So deal with it.
New York - Gucci Envy UK - Bulgari White Tea Bath, UK - Persil Silk and Wool/ Bold 2in1 Lavender and Chamomile
Sometimes, just driving along the road and listening to a piece of music on my iPod completely transports me back to the UK. Of course I am missing it loads and loads. Wondering how can my life here be so dull and so much excitement in the UK?
...call me innocent, naive, dumb, simple, whatever, but I just cannot imagine how evil humans can be. They harbour such ill and sick intentions towards other people. My personal policy is:if no one annoys me, I wouldn't even be bothered with them. And even then, my dream revenge would be something really as "ordinary" as hoping you get knocked down by a car while crossing the road - you know something that the forces greater than me will enact it on my behalf, just becos...they are evil rat droppings.
I was in Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh city to be exact, the scene of where Americans fought the Vietcongs. I actually went to Cu Chi tunnel, an area where 250km of underground tunnel was dug with just a simple hoe and bamboo basket. I was just amazed. The tenacity of the Vietcongs, sheer willpower not to be overtaken by the Americans. And the Americans honestly, have they no regard for the lives that they are taking?
*sigh*
There was news today of this 72 year old Austrian who drugged his then 18 year old daughter, put her in a dungeon for 24 years, raped her and fathered 7 children, WITH HIS OWN DAUGHTER! As if that wasn't perverse enough, he raised 3 of the 7 with his wife and the other 3 in captivity; they've never seen daylight before.
What kind of sick man would do something like that to his own flesh and blood? And all that lying and deceiving to people close to him to satisfy himself? It's like Steven. Why would you go out and hurt people who haven't done anything to you? It's just such an evil mind that I cannot even believe that such people can exist. And yet they do, and in numbers more than ONE! Scary shit.
It suddenly hit me today. That my routine now could possibly be the same for the rest of my life. I am feeling a bit upset about it. Especially after looking at some of my pictures in Bath. Where did all that time go? I miss it lots. I know for certain that the job that I'm in is not something that I will want to do for very long. And I can feel my brains which were so challenged during the MBA, are starting to slow down.
Suddenly I miss corporate life. I miss the UK. I miss my freedom and space. I miss learning something new, trying something new every other week. Is it possible that that feeling cannot always exist? It can't be.
I just want to have a sense that my future will be good. It doesn't feel like it will be at this point. Yes, it feels good now, things are great - job, family, car. Is that all there is in life? It feels like you're drowning and just trying to gasp for a breath of fresh air. And that air is just refreshing and oh-so-important to remind you of what it means to be alive. I feel myself dying inside again. Bored with the life in Singapore. Sure I can go through the motions of living here and working here. But just something is missing.
To be honest I think either 1. I am not cut out for my current job or 2. I am over-loaded. This job isn't something completely new. I have done it before yet so many stupid mistakes.
Had hell from client today for an oversight. And more oversights. Worked till 12am today. And to top it all off, I lost my car key.
That sinking feeling at work just came back today. I haven't felt that in over 2 years. And just today it came back - like I'm not good enough.
Obviously there is not much of a silver lining to these 16 hour workdays. I haven't even lost a single ounce of lard. Oh well, it pays the bills - memorise and repeat like 100000000x.
K, least I sound like one of those ungrateful bitches who are always whining about the not-enoughs in life. Here's my list of things which I am grateful for, at least for today :)
Singlehood
You really need to meet with assholes to truly realise that the best person who loves you is yourself. Treat yourself good, lots of praises, lots of rewards, and always a pat on the back. :) Which was what I did today - lots of shopping, and happy good food.
Rascals, family & friends
Not necessarily in that order, but to be surrounded by people you love, and who unconditionally love you back :) That's the best gift, really.
A job, a car and many material things that money can buy.
Just a month ago, I was all panicky and upset. Self esteem at its lowest ever. And can you blame me? And it was just really thinking - would I be able to make it? Everyone else was moving up on whatever ladder they were on. Now, not that I am up on any ladder, but at least I have a job and that allows me to buy things and pays the bills.
Of cos there are other things that I am grateful for. Like my year away and meeting such great people. I just hope I don't ever forget.
It's season of new beginnings. I just started my new job 4 weeks ago. Geez, has it been that fast? Been working shit long hours so much so that when my new macbook (which rocks!) came, I left it sitting on the coffee table, untouched, unopened for a good 4 days. Work's good so far, no complaints. Except that life has become just work and nothing else. I have no time for anything. Not even bringing out my Harry for a spin. That's the new love of my life - my new car :)
Work has been really hectic, quite fulfilling and I am learning some stuff, so it ain't all that bad yet. Except the crazy hours. Well everything in perspective, at least it pays the bills. Just haven't been very inspired to write in Singapore. I just feel like the MBA year came and went too fast. I do miss it though. I was just looking at some stock images of the UK and I suddenly missed it loads. Steven, now that names are not anonymously hidden to protect the idiots turned out to be a bigger asshole that I originally thought.
But it's good where I am in life now. Non of that emotional baggage. Got a new car, a new job, a new mac and best of all 10mbps broadband. A new addiction to watching videos online :)
