Living a John Woo moment

It's been a long while since I posted anything. So many things have happened.

It's been a series of things going downhill since I got retrenched. A sense of helplessness. Like when you watch a John Woo movie, and everything happens in slow-mo and you know that the good guy is going to get killed or there is going to be a really bad situation, but there's nothing you can do about it? And the bad stuff just S-L-O-W-L-Y plays itself out?

It kinda feels pretty much like that these days. Like I know the outcome of what's gonna happen, and yet it takes weeks and even months before the outcome materialises. And the outcome is normally crap. I want to see what's at the end of this extremely long, dark, gloomy, tunnel that has seriously overstayed its welcome.

I thought that perhaps my luck had changed after leaving that craphole of an organization. WIth 2 interviews and a possibility that Bath University might accept me, hey, life might possibly be good after a long, long while.

I am kind of on a break with Mr S, and it doesn't look like things will patch back anytime soon. In a way I am sadden by it all. I mean we started out really good. He was sensitive to my feelings, intuitive even. He's patient and sweet. But over time, I guess I found some traits to be annoying, and yet I still cannot forget the initial sweet, patient, loving ways. But these days, he is so caught up with work, I hardly hear from him.

Anyway back to the "unrelationship" side of things. Work luck hasn't picked up and I had my phone interview with Bath Uni today. I screwed up the interview majorly. And with my intuition on all things bad, I am quite sure I won't get accepted at the Uni. If only I was as accurate about 4D as I am with my soothsaying abilities of doom.

But it's kinda weird, this slow-mo feel. I get really frustrated about things, but there is this voice that tells me it's okay, things will work out...for the better. It's almost like the last instinct to cling onto whatever shred of sanity before you cross over to depression and suicide.