mom

Mom hasn't been well. She hasn't been well for a long time now. But today, after seeing her bedridden and a shadow of what she was, my heart sank. This time I have a feeling that it will spiral downwards. Mommy has always been determined. She would be independent and would always want to do things on her own.

Now she can't even feed herself. My sister called me today to ask me what mommy's bank pin number was. This was something that she would always tell me when she hands me the card, and today she couldn't remember.

I miss having my mom open the door for me when I come home late from work. I miss her sitting at her spot on the couch watching TV, even though I know she isn't really watching because she goes to bed once I get home. These days she just wants to lay in bed. She can't walk or stand and I can barely hear her speak. She says she wishes to just pass on. And perhaps from someone who is so used to doing things on her own, to now just lying in bed, I know that it possibly could be the best thing. But for my own selfish reasons I want her to here with me. I want my mom back. I do miss her. And I wish I could have taken back all the mean things I've said to her. I know she is still here with me, but it does feel that time is running out, and pretty soon.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad