disappointment

2012 was one of the hardest years of my life.

It was lousy work compounded with mom falling ill and passing on.

It was also the year that a close friend drifted away and I wasn't clear what had happened, only to find out that she felt slighted because I'd met Paul. There was no explanation, just slowly she detached herself from me, and when I asked her stuff, she was always curt in response.

I had to find out from another friend who was kind enough to intervene on my behalf. I guess I was silly thinking that the friendship could be salvage. After apologies and attempts to connect, it was was a one-way attempt. No reciprocal efforts from her. I thought we had sealed our friendship so deep that she would understand. But nada. She felt hurt, and I can understand. But she could have also told me straight up. I was told she hinted to me about what was happening. Okay, I don't pick up cues that easily. Just hit me with a bat and tell me to stop ignoring friends just because I have a boyfriend now. (Which I absolutely try not to do btw, it's unfair to friends. I've been on the receiving end of these "I'm not free if bf is in town" girlfriend treatment)

It's come to such that when I can added on communal friend chats, there is a separate chat going on. I know how it goes, I was part of that gang once. That's how things work, and it's disappointing. They've set their minds that I am that sort of a person and make judgement. They were even making judgement of how I'm not spending enough time with my dad. I was like "wow" okay, cos I'm sure they know my daily routine now that they are out of my life. Do they know what's going on in my life at this point to make that judgement? Do they even know what it's like to lose your mom and have your whole life change forever in the course of a week?

It's time to let go, I guess. When I see stuff that we are commonly connected on - friend's chats etc - it still shocks me to know go all silent, just cos I'm in the chat. Like, hey, I'm not that bad a person, okay? Did I completely offend you?

It's also time to reflect - what I was like when I was part of that gang. They have goodness in their hearts, but the way they are treating people, it just isn't that great. Disappointed.