closure

There was always the great big question when I decided to come back: What will happen between you and S?

I guess it was inevitable and we were both just in denial that it could work. Why can't it? After some 2 over years of long distance calls, my stint in the UK and the possibility of a life together from December? If it has worked so well in the past, when we feel so good together - why can't it work?

Today we decided to give our relationship a break. Pressured by a need to decide on the future of our relationship. S feeling pressured by the lack of attention he was devoting to me. Me, feeling the pressure of a futureless relationship, and his extreme introverted-ness. I am saddened by it all, of course. But at least there is closure.

The past few months have been really difficult, not knowing what might be the outcome of our relationship. Despite good chemistry between us, at times we were really distrustful of each other. How's a relationship to survive, particularly a long distance one, if there is no trust?

I am not hopeful that we will get back together. He is a man and this is our second break. I am happy for the memories that we've had. But I am sad that I will lose a close friend and that our relationship will never be as close as what it was.

Now I know what my options are and what I need to do next. It is not what I wanted, or planned, but I feel better, slightly, knowing what my future will be.